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Over a quarter century ago,
the Catholic Bishops of New Jersey offered a Common Policy for Marriage
Preparation. One of its primary purposes was to ensure that engaged couples
were given an improved pastoral preparation for marriage.
These revised Pastoral Policies and Guidelines for Marriage Preparation
build on the strengths of the original policy and takes into consideration
additional issues that could pose challenges for a lasting, stable and happy
marriage. The policies and guidelines draw from the Church’s spiritual
wisdom and an appreciation of Christian marriage gained in part from the
practical insights of pastoral ministers and married couples who over the
years have been involved in marriage preparation.
In an age when the prevailing culture and contemporary legal systems allowed
that a marriage could be dissolved “for any reason whatever,” Jesus Christ
lifted up a more authentic biblical vision of marriage. Jesus declared that
from the beginning God’s will was that a man and woman live out marriage in
a faithful commitment and in an indissoluble unity as long as both live
(Matt. 19:3-9).
Jesus’ vision of what married love can be has its foundation in the very
work of creation and in God’s revelation to His chosen people. His
insistence on marital permanence and monogamous fidelity exceeded the
tolerance of divorce and polygamy that the interpretations of the ancient
covenant had come to tolerate. Jesus raised the covenant of marriage to a
higher level, leading spouses to a unique mutuality, empowering them to
behold each other as beloved in the Lord, offering selfless care for one
another and loving each other as the Lord loves them.
A Christian marriage can reflect God’s love alive in the world. A Christian
family becomes a living cell in the Body of Christ. The faithful
relationship of husband and wife sacramentally manifests Christ’s presence.
The community of the Christian home that emerges from that relationship
becomes what our Catholic tradition has called the “domestic Church.”
Throughout the past two thousand years, countless Christian men and women
have succeeded in living out Jesus’ vision of married life, guided by His
gospel values, supported by divine grace, and encouraged by others witnesses
of Christian love. Catholic married couples today are the beneficiaries of
this great heritage. Couples already committed to living their marriage vows
each day are, in a special way, witnesses to those who are preparing for
marriage. They are able to share a genuine faith-based wisdom about married
life garnered over the years.
American society stands at a crossroads in respect to marriage. Many couples
today find that their own experience of marriage is better than they would
ever have dreamed possible. Happily, many couples have discovered in their
own Christian marriages a depth of spirituality and personal love beyond
what was common in the past. Yet at the same time far too many marriages end
in divorce, and too many husbands and wives do not seem to grasp what makes
marriage work. In popular culture, too, there are movements questioning the
institution of marriage itself. Some declare marriage outdated. There is a
trend in civil society to place “de facto” unions (those unions without any
publicly recognized institutional bond) on a par with marriage. Many couples
approach marriage with doubt or anxiety about whether a lasting commitment
is really possible or that they are capable of living up to the expectations
and responsibilities of marriage. Many postpone a decision to marry for
years; many live together without marriage for a variety of reasons.
By promulgating these Pastoral Polices and Guidelines for Marriage
Preparation, we wish to offer to you who are preparing for marriage, as well
as to our priests, deacons, religious and lay people ministering to you,
sound pastoral guidelines and directions. It is our fervent wish that the
Church be of practical assistance in helping you to discern your own
readiness for marriage. The process should afford you time to deal honestly
and confidently with issues that call for deeper conversion and personal
growth and to face any difficulties which may arise. Most of all we see
these Pastoral Policies and Guidelines for Marriage Preparation as an
affirmation of engaged couples and our gift to you. Our Church communities
will be ready to help you with a supportive experience as you prepare to
enter into the covenant of marriage.
It is our fervent hope that you will be aware that our Savior Jesus Christ,
who graced the wedding feast of Cana and blessed the couple with His
miraculous transformation of water into wine, wishes to be with you in this
time of preparation, on the joyful day of your wedding, and throughout your
married and family life, we pray that you will open your hearts to him.
Sincerely yours in the Lord,
Most Reverend John J. Myers
Archbishop, Archdiocese of Newark
Most Reverend Nicholas A. DiMarzio
Bishop of Camden
Most Reverend Paul G. Bootkoski
Bishop of Metuchen
Most Reverend Frank J. Rodimer
Bishop of Paterson
Most Reverend John M. Smith
Bishop of Trenton
Most Reverend Andrew Pataki
Bishop of the Byzantine Catholic Eparchy
Of Passaic
Most Reverend Joseph Younan
Bishop of Our Lady of Deliverance
Syriac
Most Reverend David Arias
Auxiliary Bishop of Newark
Most Reverend Dominic A. Marconi
Auxiliary Bishop of Newark
Most Reverend Charles J. McDonnell
Auxiliary Bishop of Newark
Most Rev. Arthur J. Serratelli
Auxiliary Bishop of Newark